“Not My Will”

In my research for this post, I came across this beautiful blogger, Christina Chase. I am so enamored by her perseverance and her hope, I hope you will check her out.

I had something on my heart and I wanted to write about a conversation my friend Missi and I had last week. She is one of my sisters in Christ that meet weekly to pray over the upcoming Sunday gospels together and we are dear friends.

Missi was diagnosed with a rare form of appendix cancer a few years ago, when her appendix had ruptured and it spread all over her body. She has had many different kinds of treatments over the years, and certainly has had her own share of suffering. Through it all, her attitude was incredible and her perspective on all the things that were happening to her made her into a powerhouse witness for Christ. We all have learned so much from Missi’s journey through healing spiritually as well as physically. She will be the first one to tell you that she is grateful for the journey and what it has taught her.

Last week Missi and I were chatting because the rest of our prayer team is traveling and were unable to make our weekly call. Missi and I decided to do our usual gospel reflection together anyway and as always had a deeply spiritual discussion. She said that she had been praying and meditating on the anguish of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane the night before he died. He was in anguish to the point of sweating blood.

 ⁴¹ After withdrawing about a stone’s throw from them and kneeling, he prayed, ⁴² saying, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done.” ^[n] [⁴³ And to strengthen him an angel from heaven appeared to him. ⁴⁴ He was in such agony and he prayed so fervently that his sweat became like drops of blood falling on the ground.] Lk 22:41-44 NABRE

Missi pointed out that it seemed that Jesus suffered so greatly for us and yet through it all, the only time he seemed to be in anguish was when he was struggling with God’s will, and was asking for it to be taken from him. The rest of the passion shows us a serene Jesus, despite the trauma and suffering. Missi and I discussed for a while that there seems to be a great deal of difference between anguish and suffering. Anguish, it seems, can result from avoiding or being out of line with with God’s will for us.

Anguish: Misery, Torture, Torment and Woe

Anguish is defined as extreme pain, distress, or anxiety (Merriam-Webster) but also can be likened to phrases like “all-consuming”, “heart-stopping”, “torrid”. Turning to the Cambridge dictionary, we find “extreme unhappiness caused by physical or mental suffering“. This helps to identify what Missi was considering.

The suffering that is foretold for us in this world which was not meant to be our home.

“I have told you this so that you might have peace in me. In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world.” John 16:33

But the different between the suffering itself and the “extreme unhappiness caused by suffering” is different. It seems to be in the attitude we take against the idea of suffering that brings us into anguish. It is not God’s will for us to suffer or to be in anguish, but when the world’s trouble comes, will we turn to trust Him through it? Trust can be the crossroads of anguish and suffering.

Offering it up

I have personally experienced the different between anguish and suffering. I have had to endure physical suffering, great loss and grief and then there is the everyday little sufferings of things that are not as I would have them in my world. I try not to let these things go unwasted. By that I mean, “offering it up” as a sacrifice to God as a gift of my own sufferings in unification and solidarity with the Sacred Heart of Jesus which suffered so much for the love of us. Surely there are things that on the face of this earth are not as God would have it. I can give him my sufferings as a gift and and offering of trusting in His plan for me. Maybe that is confusing theology for some, but that is one way of describing how we can play a part in consoling the heart of Christ.

God’s plan for you is good and He has full awareness of all that you are going through, even if it seems like it is way off from what you are picturing for yourself. Try this little thing today and pray, “Lord, not my will be yours be done.” Surrender your anguish like Christ in the Garden, and let the anguish of fighting against all that is waging war against you be handed over to your God. Forming our will to God’s is like a child who nestles in the arms of His Father, rather than wrestling and fighting against rest (see Corrie Ten Boom quote and book below.)

Surrender to your Heavenly Father who loves you and your Jesus who knows the troubles of your heart. Keep faith that things will not always be this rough. I will pray for your heart today too.

Here is one of my favorite authors and quotes on our attitude toward suffering:

https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Wrestle-Just-Nestle-Corrie/dp/0800708482