This past Saturday, I gave a talk at the beautiful Carmel Retreat Center for Spirituality in Liberty, Tennessee to the third order Carmelites in our area. They meet every month for first Saturdays and these die-hards do an hour of devotion in front of the Blessed Sacrament, an hour of prayer specifically for the needs of the church and our nation (a rosary for the US in which we prayed for EVERY state and each soul in it), the Holy Mass, and confessions and more. They also have a guest speaker and this month it was me.

Last year I went as I had been helping them with some marketing materials, and had developed a lovely friendship with them. While I was typing up the schedule for this year (late last fall) my friend Jean, who coordinates the third order events, asked if I could speak again this year. Last August I did a talk on “Making Time for God”, and she asked if I could do next August. At that time, my mom’s health was failing and I tentatively agreed.

So as August came around again, I again traversed the glorious eastern middle Tennessee hills and countryside to Carmel.

My talk was “Where Truth and Love Meet”, and I am going to post some of it here with a God-wink ending. I am shortening this considerably, but I hope you enjoy.

Ephesians 4:11-16

^11 [d]And he gave some as apostles, others as prophets, others as evangelists, others as pastors and teachers, ¹² to equip the holy ones for the work of ministry,^[e] for building up the body of Christ, ¹³ until we all attain to the unity of faith and knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood,^[f] to the extent of the full stature of Christ, ¹⁴ so that we may no longer be infants, tossed by waves and swept along by every wind of teaching arising from human trickery, from their cunning in the interests of deceitful scheming. ¹⁵ Rather, living the truth in love, we should grow in every way into him who is the head, Christ,^[g] 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, with the proper functioning of each part, brings about the body’s growth and builds itself up in love.

“Intersections”

Over the past year I have struggled with what I call INTERSECTIONS.  These are places where our human nature crosses with spiritual concepts.  They can be difficult places to understand as humans. I am the driver of the bus, so to speak, I am the one who has to animate the actions of my will. And yet there are places where God needs me to trust Him and not do everything myself.  Where is the intersection?  One such intersection was where truth and love meet. 

A year ago when I chose the topic for this talk I had no idea what the year would bring.  My mom had entered into later stages of dementia. What had been a difficult two years of trying to suggest to my mom that she may need some help, as we helplessly watched her decline, suddenly got exponentially worse. 

On the weekend of my birthday in early December, my friend who is a cancer nurse encouraged me to get the quickest flight I could back to ohio to be by my mom’s side before she passed.  A big personal fear of mine would be that my mom would forget who I was. “It happens,” my little sister said, “you can’t take it personally.” Whereas I didn’t plan to take it personally, I knew that my mom, no matter what I had done over the years, had always loved me with a love that was the closest thing to what God’s love must feel like.  She knew me. She really knew me, and she loved me anyway. I had messed up, and sinned, and spoken rudely at times, and even turned on her. But she still loved me. 

The hospice nurse that had been assigned to my mom happened to be a woman who had been in my prayer group almost 20 years before.  Who would have known that Eileen would have been working for one of three hospice care companies utilized by the memory care center, the one my sisters chose, and that she would be the nurse assigned to my mom directly. 

I called her on the first of December and I asked her to give it to me straight. she said “Meg, your mom said to me ‘I am going on a trip.’ And I asked where and she said ‘to the feet of Our Lady.‘ You know we consider this code talk. You need to come soon.” (Where truth and love meet*)

My mom was a pilgrim of Medjugorje.  In the past 20 years, she had gone at least 17 times. She had a major reversion once while on a spiritual pilgrimage at an apparition site called Medjurgorje in Bosnia. She experienced a revelation in prayer about what she needed to correct about her life.  It was a conviction in love and truth that was a pivotal and challenging moment for my mom but it led to a reversion to her faith.

The Birth of My Mom

When my grandmother found out she was pregnant with my mom in 1934, a year when resources were not plentiful and war was amping up, she cried out to the the Lord that she couldn’t do it again. She had birthed 10 children, one stillborn, little Margaret Mary, and had 9 mouths to feed. How could she handle another child this late in life? Her oldest living child was about to get married and have children of her own. She felt Our Lady came to her as if in a dream and said “this will be the child holding your hand when you pass into eternal life. I will help you get through this.”

As you can guess, my Nana found the courage to have this final child.  Fast forward to my grandmother choosing a local family’s son, who was becoming a priest, to be my mother’s godfather, he told my grandmother to dress my mother in blue for the first six years of her life in honor of Our Lady. My mother, Regina, on her seventh birthday, after wearing blue her whole life, received her first red dress.

What is TRUTH? One Intersection of Truth and Love: Freedom

“The truth shall set you free” John 8:32.

We all have seen pictures of prisoners of war who have been set free. Although freedom has finally arrived, we can see remnants of warfare. Having survived thirst, hunger, disillusionment and confusion can take a toll on a soul. When we are finally free from prison we realize everything around once familiar has been removed.  It’s time to rebuild from all of the false foundations upon which you have created your life. Freedom might come at a price, but it can only come from LOVE. We were created with free will because we are so loved by Our Creator. Love and freedom cannot be separated.

If we look around at our fallen world, we see negative results of the choices we have made in our own interest, especially those that impede other’s freedoms. But Our Creator knows that true love means total freedom and the two cannot be separated.

Starting over from bad choices made in our freedoms can seem like a lot of work but these moments can lead to great turning points in our lives to deepen our faith and convict us of the need to live in truth.

Back To Last December

When I arrived at the memory care late that Saturday night, my mom looked at me with a knowing look and greeting, and I embraced her. We cried. She knew me. It was the love that I had always known, she loved me and I loved her. It wasn’t perfect, it had been ugly between us in the past. But it was authentic love, and that is based on truth. And truth lasts.  Real love and truth always intersect.

Truth Defined

If we ask the dictionary, we get this answer:

that which is true or in accordance with fact or reality.

If we search the Catechism of the Catholic Church we find this:

214 ²⁸ He is the Truth, for “God is light and in him there is no darkness”; “God is love”, as the apostle John teaches. ²⁹

God is Truth

215 “The sum of your word is truth; and every one of your righteous ordinances endures forever.” ³⁰ “And now, O LORD God, you are God, and your words are true”; ³¹ this is why God’s promises always come true. ³² God is Truth itself, whose words cannot deceive. This is why one can abandon oneself in full trust to the truth and faithfulness of his word in all things. The beginning of sin and of man’s fall was due to a lie of the tempter who induced doubt of God’s word, kindness and faithfulness.

216 God’s truth is his wisdom, which commands the whole created order and governs the world. ³³ God, who alone made heaven and earth, can alone impart true knowledge of every created thing in relation to himself. ³⁴

I read this quote in an article on Catholic.com by Fr Frank Pavone:

Truth is very much like food. We need it. Without it, we cannot grow, or even survive, as human beings and as a human community. We are made for the truth, to always receive more of it, to contemplate it, to find our fulfillment in it. And this is easy to understand when we realize that God not only gives us truth, as one of his greatest gifts, but he is truth. “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (Jn 14:6). And that truth leads to another great gift and human need: freedom. “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (Jn 8:31). Fr Frank Pavone

How many of us have heard someone tell us “the truth” and it wrecked us? How many of you have been hurt by someone who told you what they felt was the truth for YOU?

If this has happened to you, I say that there are many things that could have happened in this scenario, the first one being, it was not done in love. 

What is love?

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, ⁵ does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, ⁶ does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; ^7 [b]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Cor 13

Think back to a time in your life where you had to share a hard truth with someone and were just anxious or upset about how it might go? Surely this person would not receive what you had to say. This would end your relationship with this person if you told them the truth that was hurting them.

We know that our faith holds that if we withhold a truth in justice, we are responsible for that.  As our friend Father B once told me that when teaching my kids the faith,

“You are responsible saying it once.  Once they have the information, it is up to them what they do with it. But you must be sure to say it as the responsibility is yours to impart the truth.”

My kids know how much I love them. I tell them now that it is my responsibility to share the truth with them, and they can make their own decisions. I have found that they receive most things I say well because they know they are loved.

GO TO JESUS MEETINGS

When my mom felt it was time to give someone a little “Truth and love” she called it a “Go-to-Jesus-meeting”.  A few months after my mom died, I was dealing with some sneaky grief. It seemed to me that everyone around me needed a “Go-to-Jesus-meeting” because I was feeling so tender and hurt. I reminded myself of something I have always thought, “when it’s everyone, it’s me.” I knew something was off and I was going to have to spend some time working it out with the Lord. In these cases, it’s always best to go to the sacraments.

After a time in Eucharistic adoration, I journaled some thoughts and took them to spiritual direction, which revealed a lie I had fallen into. The lie of victimization, and this is not part of our Christian identity. A victim is not free. It was my own go-to-Jesus meeting. (Where Love and Truth Meet*)

A Mom in a Candy Store

When I was in junior high, I loved Coca Cola gummy bottles, and there was a particular candy store down in our little town. One day, my mom asked if I wanted to get some candy at a new local candy store. This was a rare treat! I was on cloud nine. So, we went into the little shop and I was thrilled to see they had my favorites, Coca Cola bottle gummies! But as I danced up to the counter, the young woman working at the store reacted with rudeness. She was obviously not as excited as I was, and she seemed downright scary to my twelve-year-old self.

I remember withdrawing behind my mom, who seemed to straighten her small stature into an imposing figure. She had the most highly tuned emotional radar of anyone I have met, and she wasn’t going to let this go without addressing it. “You’re gonna get it now girl!” I thought to myself.

Gently, my mother smiled and asked the girl, “Are you having a hard day?” With that, the candy-store employee collapsed into tears. I stood in awe as this young woman opened her heart to my mom through tears, revealing life difficulties that I cannot recall now. A gentle acknowledgment of a harsh attitude with genuine kindness by a mother figure was a seemingly magic recipe to nastiness. As we left the candy store, my mom winked at me. I realized that she knew a great secret: that kindness melts hearts, and people need to know someone cares.

The Beginning of the End

On December 17^th I spent the night at my sister in law’s house about 20 minutes from the memory care center.  I chatted with my nieces and enjoyed their lovely home and hospitality as best as my spirits allowed. That night I lay in bed and heard clearly in my interior, “this is the last night your mom will be on earth.” (Where love and truth meet*)

Before I headed back to the memory care center in the morning, my sister-in-law said “Oh I have something I bought that made me think of you!” She brought out a t-shirt that read “Mary Knew”.  I thought about showing up to see my mom this morning with this shirt on, and how she would love it.

When I reached the memory care center our friend, Fr B was sitting by my mom’s beside along with my little sister, and although she was no longer responsive, he told my mom that Mary was waiting for her to take her to the feet of Jesus where she always wanted to go. It was time.  Within minutes, my mom left this world.

I thought about the words my mom said to my friend the nurse, and the last question she asked me a few days before. “Is it Medjugorje time?” “It’s Medjugorje time any time you want it to be, Mom.”

And Mary Knew, my t-shirt reminded me. 

I Thought My Presentation was over…

I ended my talk with practical questions which I give you below. But first I wanted to mention a Holy Spirit moment. My friend Jean, who asked me to give a talk a year ago, came up and asked me to stay with her at the podium. She asked if she could read a text conversation we shared a year ago. This was the inspiration for this talk:

To give respect to the legacy of my mom, I want to recognize the gift she had for imparting the truth with love.  We all struggle with telling a difficult truth and most of us have both erred on both sides of the struggle. From my research and reading, I can leave you with a few practical tips on the intersection of where LOVE AND TRUTH MEET.

A PRACTICAL GUIDE TO DELIVERING A TRUTH IN LOVE

• Do I know the history, problems, struggles and temperament of the person I am about to “school with the truth”? If not should I proceed? Why would someone listen to me unless they know that I KNOW and care about them?
• Should I share a “truth” if I have contempt in I heart in any way for this person? If I do not check with God and my heart first, it could be a trap from the enemy to exercise judgement or condemnation–or without realizing it–feed my own pride.
• Is this a truth one that can save the person from a moral danger?
• Is the truth from God? Or derived from His goodness, love and mercy?
• Do I have a sense of both justice and mercy when revealing this truth?
• Is this something that needs to be said? It is necessary? Am I the person needed to deliver this truth based on my relationship with the person?
• Did I ask for the Holy Spirit to CONVICT my heart of LOVE and MERCY before I speak a truth?
• Do I realize that I may be the instrument through which a person turns away from GOD if I present a truth without the disposition of LOVE in my heart?
• Do I realize I am on sacred ground when discussing such matters?

Resources on this important topic: