When our kids became young adults I was happy because I thought how much easier this part of parenting would be and now I can walk along side of our children and not so much in front of them any more.

Contrary to my supposition, parenting young adults is not necessarily easier. I like to tell people, especially my kids, that every day I am a new parent. There is no one day in my life as a parent that I wasn’t faced with a new situation in which to find my way through as a mom. Now I am walking beside my kids in their big life decisions, jobs, careers, moving towns, cities, even countries. They struggle with friendships on an adult level now, without the structure of schools or studios. They are no longer in friendships because of association of time and place, as much as choosing who and what fits best in the direction they want to grow. I am grateful that all of my kids are super intentional with all of their relationships and are the ones teaching me most of the time.

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” -St. Mother Teresa

Lately, however, I have noticed how easily we can be overrun by these life decisions, especially when it’s all so new. The burdens of choosing work, professional projects, places to live and even friendships can weigh heavily on young hearts that are becoming accustomed to their new independence. I saw my kids struggling to get out of the heaviness of these struggles. Finally, I remembered the concept of turn out.

When my daughter was training to be a ballerina, she would tell me about how much emphasis was placed on something called “turn out”. This concept is when the body is positioned in a way that the knees and the feet are pointing away from the center of the body, and it’s not as easy as it seems. The strength from your core is directed away and through the hips and outward through the knees and feet.

Sometimes we are an enemy to ourselves when we spin around in circles over a decision that we need to make. I have heard it said in many ways that the first place we get tripped up is our thinking. It stalls us, confuses us and consumes us. If we apply the concept of turnout to our interior life, we can see that we take the strength and focus from the center of ourselves and pass it out to someone else. That disposition, whenever we are stuck going in circles in our thoughts, should be to turn out–away from ourselves–and help someone else in the world.

It should not be so difficult practice turnout, when we look around in the world and see all kinds of hurt, much of it in the eyes of people closest to us. We don’t have to be missionaries to practice our turnout. A whisper of the prayer “Come Holy Spirit, show me how to stop thinking of my own problems and show me who needs my support and kindness” and I know for sure that God will show up, the scales will fall away from our self-focus and we will see a soul in proximity. The usual rule of thumb as a priest friend of mine once said, it will be the closest thing “with a heart beat.”

Turnout isn’t something you have to fit into your scheduled. God is so good at building on the tiny offerings we make for Him and others it will show up as you go. Summon the strength from your spiritual core, which is HIM who created you, and direct that energy OUT and AWAY into a gaze of kindness for the next heartbeats God puts in your way today.

Lord, help us to see in those we encounter, your eyes, Jesus, that we may love you in them, and place our cares in the wounds of your hands, so that, they too may be glorified. Amen.

As each one has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God’s varied grace. 1Peter 4:10